I Think I Love You
by clexa.never.died
Summary: When Clarke threatens to leave Arcadia, Bellamy has no choice but to try and stop her. However, when Lexa comes back into Clarke's life, Bellamy and Clarke's love/hate relationship slowly becomes clearer as time crawls on, but maybe not in the best way. Clarke is confused and left to choose between the only two people she has ever loved. (I'm bad at summarizing; Clexa endgame btw)
1. Chapter 1

**Feel free to drop a favorite, comment, follow or review, as these are all extremely helpful :). If you would like to, you can always leave prompts and suggestions in the comments, or PM me. (Note: Not all suggestions and prompts will be written to.)**

 **Chapter 1**

"I don't see why you couldn't have just let me go. I was fine. God, what did you soak that gag in, bleach?"

"Piss, actually." Bellamy retorted. He chuckled at the sight of her fighting with the knots in the ropes. Struggling against the ties that bound her hands together, and her feet to the chair, Clarke continued to argue with him.

"And did you really have to knock me out, gag me, _and_ tie me up?" She almost had the first knot undone.

"I couldn't let you leave Arcadia. The mountain is over and done with, but we still have an army of at least three-hundred grounders out there who all want our heads. We need a leader, Clarke. We need _you_." Bellamy watched her struggle, thought about knocking her out again, but decided that it probably be better to let her ride out the initial stages of her anger. He poked the barrel of his gun outside, pulling back the cloth that served as the door to his make-shift tent. "Okay, the coast is clear. For now." Clarke chuckled. "What's so funny, _princess_?" She hated being called that, even more so when _he_ said it. She held it together though, she couldn't let Bellamy see that he got to her. Not yet.

"Nothing, it's just that I find it hilarious that you actually think _I'd_ go out there with _you_. Yeah not gonna happen _Blake_ , this one can take care of herself." She continued to struggle with the knots at her wrists and ankles. This time it was Bellamy that started to laugh.

"Now forgive me if I'm wrong princess, but this is all coming from the girl who is tied to a chair, in a tent, in the middle of the woods, three days away from the nearest camp, correct?" He swung his gun back around his shoulder and took a few more steps towards Clarke, circling the chair she was bound to. He crossed his arms again. "The same girl who couldn't shoot Quint, who couldn't slaughter the mountain men, and who ran off as soon she did. I'm sorry but that doesn't sound like taking care of yourself to me." She scoffed. "Actually princess, if I didn't know better I'd think you were a bit of a softie," he smirked, spinning around on his heels to face her. The ropes around her ankles were almost undone. He started teasing her again. "A kind-hearted, crystal-souled, mushy-gushy-" Before Bellamy could finish, he was interrupted with a swift kick to the head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Softie, eh?" Clarke finished unknotting the rest of the ropes and walked over to where her captor's unconscious body laid. She bent down and used the ropes that hung loosely around her own ankles and wrists to bind his, and figured that she had anywhere from five to ten minutes before he came to his senses. "Pfft," she scoffed into the nothingness. "Not so tough are you big boy." She kicked the gun away from him, bent down, and dragged him into the chair. Almost immediately after she finished tying him to it, his eyes fluttered open. She had to admit, it was kind of sexy.

"What the hell? What happened, what are you-"

"I knocked you out, pretty boy. Watch your mouth _Blake_ , because I'm not afraid to do it again. It's my turn to call the shots around here." Clarke waltzed around the chair, glaring down at Bel with the slightest smirk. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with destiny." She started out the tent.

"Oh yeah, where's _destiny_ taking you, off the edge of a cliff? Clarke, you have no idea what's out there. Stay here, at least until the sun comes up. I told you, we need you back in Arcadia." Bellamy struggled against the rope and chair. She may not know how to kick very well, but she could sure tie a damn good knot.

"Don't act like you have any more experience than I do. We landed in this hell hole together, dipshit." For some reason, the dominance and sarcasm Clarke was using to torture him were both annoying, and turning him on. He'd never been more attracted to her.

"Look, _your highness,_ you don't have to like me. In fact, you can hate me for all I care." However, he did care. Bel loved her, or at least that was what his dick was telling him. Either way, he couldn't let her leave. "Clarke, you _need_ me. You need someone to take you back. You won't make it on your own out there, especially now that more than half of the grounder population wants your head, _Wanheda._ " _Shit,_ Clarke thought. _He knows._

"You can't prove anything Blake, and you should talk. You shot the fucking chancellor to get here! I don't need anyone, and I most certainly do _not_ need you! I've been fine on my own up until _you_ came along and screwed it up for me!" She was pissed at him, but there was something about Bel that kept her from torturing or killing him. Staring him in the eyes, the chestnut-colored and surprisingly sexy eyes, she began to calm down. Clarke felt a hot blush take over her cheeks, a lump form in the back of her throat, and she felt her eyes redden and become wet. The first tear came from her left eye, a tear of pain. It was hot, and carved a narrow path down her dirt-caked face as it fell. It landed on the gun attached at her hip with a small plink. She turned around to face the door again. He couldn't see her cry. She'd be proving him right.

"Clarke, I truly am sorry. You have to believe me when I say that. You also have to know that I'm trying to protect you. I-, I can't let you get hurt again. What Lexa did to you -what she did to all of us- is heartbreaking, and I know you loved her. But Clarke, we can't let anything stop us. Your mom may be the chancellor, but we're in charge here. We have to save our people. We have to save ourselves." There was something in his voice that let her trust him. She broke down, becoming vulnerable again. Head down, Clarke padded over to the chair. She untied him.

"Let's go," she said. "I just want to go home." Out of all the things he could have been thinking, one thought filled Bel's mind: _She's so fucking hot. Clarke Griffin is standing in front of me crying, and I'm sitting here like a douche. Fuck Lexa, it's my turn to be Clarke's hero._

"Clarke I-," he stood up, and was soon interrupted by Clarke's embrace.

"I'm sorry too, dipshit. I shouldn't have left you alone to take care of them. We all know you can't do it alone." She smirked, burying her face in his chest. Clarke would never admit it, but she'd had feelings for Bellamy Blake since the day they met, however she'd made a hobby out of hating him to cover it up. Bellamy rested his chin on her head. He'd been waiting for a moment like this since they'd landed on this radiation soaked planet, and he finally had one. Wrapping his arms tighter around her, he pulled her in even closer and kissed the top of her head.

"I think I love you princess." _Fuck_. He hadn't wanted to be so abrupt but his mind had tricked him. _What if she doesn't like me all that much? What if she's not over Lexa? What if..?_

"I think I love you too, Blake." She looked up at him and smiled. He tilted her chin up with one of his sexy, calloused hands and planted a kiss on her full lips. Clarke kissed him back as if it was the most natural thing she'd ever done. The two held each other for a while, their lips meeting at perfect intervals, their bodies growing colder as the night went on. They kissed until the sun rose, which for Clarke felt like an eternity - an eternity spent in heaven. When Bellamy finally pulled away, Clarke looked dazed.

"What's wrong princess?" She had grown to like the nickname over the course of the last few hours.

"Oh nothing, I just remembered something." Bellamy didn't understand, and gave her a confused look. He let go of her, and reached down for his gun.

"Remember that gag I had in my mouth. The one you said that you soaked in piss? Yeah you just sucked all that off my lips. Thanks, piss face." she giggled, and left the tent. Remembering his comment about the soaked cloth, he gagged, realizing he just sucked some of his own piss germs back into his mouth. He _had_ diluted it with water, but it was still soaked to the point where the ammonia knocked out anyone who was gagged with it. He threw the tent door to the side, poking his head out to talk to Clarke while he finished packing up.

"You know what? Fuck you, princess, okay? Maybe it wasn't even piss, how would you know?" Clarke could tell that he was bluffing, and smirked.

"I'd like to think that you would never lie to me, that's how I would know, pretty boy," Clarke teased playfully.

"You present a good argument, bitch." He walked out of the tent, grabbing her hand in his, their arms swinging at their sides. "Ready to go princess?" They looked up, the sunlight blinding them.

"Ready as I'll ever be." She smiled. It was the first time she'd smiled since Lexa, and though she wouldn't admit it, it felt great. The pair walked hand-in-hand into the face of death itself, both smiling, not giving a care in the world. They had each other, and it was all they'd ever need.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Bel, are you sure we're headed in the right direction? I'm pretty sure we passed this rock hours ago. Its getting late and I'm fucking exhausted babe. Can we at least stop here for the night?" Clarke put on her best pout and crossed her arms, staring intently at her lover with her crystal blue eyes. She had him where she wanted him: stuck. He crossed his arms and gave her the eyebrow.

"Stop it, come _on_. You know I can't say no to that face. Please, no. Not the eyes babe, not the eyes." He pretended to shield his face and look away as Clarke continued to give him puppy eyes. She'd had him beat. "Okay! Okay, fine! We'll camp here for a few hours, but we have to leave at dusk. I mean it Clarke, no more ridiculous excuses." He took her into his arms, and she smiled against his chest. When it came to having her way, Clarke always won. Bellamy was too much of a softie. He reached around her back, and tickled her sides.

"Stop it, stop it," she laughed, pulling away from him. She ran a couple of steps to the left, making him chase after her.

"Wait!" he called after her. "Oh come on, I thought you said you were _tired_." Even though he was a little irritated, Bel couldn't help but grin and run after her. "Once he caught up to her, he came from behind and practically wrestled her to the ground, tickling her even more. They rolled around on the ground in each other's arms, facing each other, tickling and giggling. When they grew tired of their mini game, Bellamy pulled Clarke even closer to him. He kissed her on the head, and nestled his chin in her hair. She loved it. She loved him. Death surrounded them on all sides, but still they happily fell asleep in each other's arms. Before their minds turned off, and before their eyes fluttered shut, Bellamy whispered into Clarke's ear.

"I love you, Clarke."

"I think I love you too, piss face." Clarke fell asleep quickly, a smirk painted across her face. Though it had occurred several days earlier, she still hadn't let him live down the piss-face incident. He'd been annoyed at first, but to be frank, her teasing turned him on _so_ much. Bellamy loved it when she played with him, it was how she showed her love for him.

"I think so too, _princess_ ," he whispered into the darkness. He thought he heard a branch crack behind them, but decided against investigating and fell asleep next to the woman he loved.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

When Clarke awoke the next morning, she was dazed, confused, and disoriented. "Bellamy? Bel get up. Where the fuck are we, Bel?" Clarke attempted to stand, but found that her wrists and ankles were bound to a longer rope which attached to the wall. Working through the knots, she chuckled, remembering how horrible Lexa's guards were at tying ropes. She finished undoing the ties within a few minutes and looked up, easily recognizing where they were. _Shit_ , she thought. _Polis_. Bellamy's eyes fluttered open, and squinting in the sunlight, he turned and looked questioningly up at Clarke. His eyes always conveyed his feelings clearly, and she picked up on his confusion. She shrugged, just as bewildered. "I don't fucking know," she said. Clarke looked at him, fear in her own eyes as well. They heard footsteps coming towards them, and both turned around to face the sound.

"Good, you're both awake," the voice was soft, and non-intimidating. _Lexa,_ Clarke thought. Her mind immediately drifted to the kill order that had been placed on her by an anonymous ruler. It must've been Lexa who wanted her. It all played out in Clarke's mind, and the puzzle pieces fell into place. _Lexa must've put me on the wanted list. She knew I wouldn't come to her, so she had to find me instead._

"Lexa?" Clarke called out. Lexa stepped into the beam of light that shone in from the window, allowing Clarke to clearly see her face. " _You_ ," Clarke couldn't bear to look at her. She used to think that there could be something between them, but after what Lexa did to her and her people, Clarke could never forgive her. No. Not this time. The strike against Octavia, the kill order over her head, for anything, _anything_ else she would have given Lexa her forgiveness. But not this. Clarke walked to the back of her make-shift jail cell, towards Bellamy. She was so furious with the Commander that she almost forgot that Bel was with her. She turned to face him.

"What does she want?" he asked, looking up at Clarke. Clarke was about to respond, but Lexa cut her off.

"Nothing from you, Bellamy of the Sky People. The only reason you are here is because I need to talk to Clarke, and I know that you're the only person who can help that happen." Bel understood, and shrugged his shoulders at Clarke.

"I'm _not_ talking to her!" Clarke yelled at Bellamy, though her anger was directed at Lexa. "That bitch left us to die, Bel! That selfish cunt left all _two hundred_ of us in that mountain, completely defenseless! I don't care what she wants, I'm not saying a word to her." Clarke wasn't even saddened by it anymore, only infuriated. Bellamy looked towards Lexa, then back at Clarke.

"Clarke we have to do what is best for our people, and if that means forgiving Lexa and talking through this, then that's what we are going to do. End of story." Bellamy knew she was ignoring him at this point, but kept talking anyway. "What happened to the Clarke who would do anything for her people, the girl who was ready to lay down her life for them? If she's in there, could you tell her that I'd like to talk to her?" He slowly walked over to Clarke, pausing for a second before giving her a hug. "We will get through this together." Clarke looked up at Bellamy, deciding what to do.

"Fine, I'll talk to her. I can't promise that she won't be dead by the time the conversation is over though." She pulled out of his embrace, walking over to the side of their cell at which Lexa was standing. "What do you _really_ want, Lexa?"

"Peace, Clarke. Peace."

Clarke shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Of course you want peace! You're afraid that after what you did to us, we'd attack. You brought me here to form another alliance. Not going to happen, bitch! Not after what you did."

"Clarke, at least hear her out," Bellamy interrupted. Clarke scoffed, crossed her arms, and rolled her eyes.

"Do I _have_ to? I mean isn't there some other way to get out of this? We can think of something, we always do."

"No, Clarke not this time." Clarke turned to face Lexa again.

"Fine. I'll _consider_ discussing it, if you let me out of this goddamned cell." Clarke tapped her foot impatiently. Though it was childish of her to get this upset over Lexa's betrayal, Bellamy found her angry side to be irresistibly cute. It wasn't the gorgeous breasts, full lips, or even the sassy attitude about Clarke that turned him on. It was all the little things. Even trapped in a cell in the middle of Polis, he was grateful to have her. He realized he'd been staring at her, and turned to face Lexa. He thought about arguing with her further, but decided he'd let them work it out.

"Guard," Lexa called in Trigedasleng, "Let her out." The guard opened the gate, and Clarke walked out. Bellamy stood to leave, but the guard stopped him. "Not that one. I don't trust him."

"Wait! I didn't agree to -"

"Clarke, enough! Go with her. do what she says, and listen well. We need this, Clarke." Bellamy looked into her worried eyes, calming her. Though unwillingly, she understood what had to be done, and nodded her head.

"Okay. Be safe, Bel. I love you. I'll be back soon" Clarke ran back into the cell to kiss him goodbye for the night.

"I love you too." In the midst of all the decisions they were making, Bellamy still noticed that Clarke had said ' _I love you_ ' this time. No sarcastic insult, no unsure answer, just a flat out 'I love you'. He waved a small goodbye, and smiled at her. She weakly smiled back, shrugging her shoulders. The girls rounded the corner, Lexa's dress trailing behind them. Clarke looked over at her. Though Lexa was a full head taller than Clarke, Clarke still felt superior in this situation. She knew that Lexa wouldn't hurt her, after all she still loved Clarke. Lexa looked down towards Clarke as they walked, trying to at least make eye contact with her. As soon as their eyes met however, Clarke quickly looked away.

"Do you trust me, Clarke?" Lexa stopped walking, and Clarke followed suit.

"Who the hell do you think you are, Lexa? You can't just betray the girl you love, and expect full forgiveness. If you truly loved me -" Lexa pinned Clarke to the wall, a knife to her throat.

"Look, _Clarke_. _I_ am Heda. _I_ am commander. You can't just disregard that because you loved me. I acknowledged my feelings for you, and you did the same, but part of love is respect, Clarke. Don't you get that?"

Clarke's eyes darted across Lexa's face, searching for clues. How could Lexa be mad at _her_? This wasn't fair. "I love someone else now, and you know that. If you still loved me, you would respect that decision. And _you're_ one to talk about respect! You seduced me and kissed me, but then left me and my people to die out there, Lexa. All two hundred of us. You can't deny that." Lexa pushed the knife closer to Clarke's throat. Clarke focused on her breathing, she couldn't lose it. She had to stay calm.

"You're right, and I'm sorry for that. But Clarke, you have to know that if I could go back to that night and fix what I did, I would. Clarke, I loved you. I _still_ love you." A single tear wove its way down the commander's face, and fell at her feet. She pulled the knife away from Clarke's throat, slipping it back into its sheath. "Can't you see that I'm sorry?"

"I do see it Lexa, and I loved you too. But after what you did, I-. I don't know if I can forgive you, Heda." Her eyes drifted to Lexa's alert, deep brown ones. God, how she missed looking into those. Clarke loved Bellamy, she truly did, but there was something that she felt when she was with Lexa, something that her and Bellamy didn't have. Clarke held Lexa's gaze for a while, but remembered why they were standing there in the first place. "Lexa, I just wish that you -"

Clarke was interrupted by Lexa's smooth lips on her own, and fell right back under her spell.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5, Part 1:** _ **Clarke**_

Clarke had been surprised at first, but despite the fact that it felt so natural, she started to pull away from the kiss. She looked Lexa in the eyes, contemplating the situation. "Lexa, I can't do this. I'm with Bellamy now. I used to love you, but right now I'm not sure that I can just forgive you and start over. It's not that simple." She walked a few paces away from Lexa, and to avoid eye contact, stared out the window that ran the length of the corridor.

"I'm sorry, Clarke. I was out of place." Lexa took a few steps towards her, but stopped and looked away. She wanted to give her space, to love her from afar. Lexa saw that Bellamy meant everything to Clarke, but she also noticed the weakest parts in their relationship - the battle scars, their previous lovers, and even their positions as leaders all complicated their love for one another. "I'm happy for you, Clarke. You and Bellamy seem very happy together." Another tear fell from Lexa's eye. It slowly made its way down her cheek, and fell to the floor without making a sound. She looked towards the ceiling to prevent more tears from falling. She couldn't let Clarke see how much she meant to her. Clarke looked over to where she was standing.

"Lexa, I-"

"It's fine, Clarke. Let it be. We have more important things to discuss." She strode down the rest of the corridor, Clarke at her heels. As they turned into Lexa's chambers, the few guards and advisors that were left in the room quickly fled, not wanting to disturb their Heda.

"Is this really necessary, Lexa? After the mountain, both of our peoples are safe in their own homes. Another alliance would only tip the scales and cause more chaos. Neither of us can afford that." Clarke watched as Lexa moved over to the window and looked out at the city below her. She knew that Lexa wasn't looking out admiring her city. She knew this was just an attempt at avoiding eye contact with Clarke. "What do you want from me, Lexa? I know this isn't all about forming an alliance. Just tell me what you want. How can -"

"I want you to love me, Clarke! I want things to be like they used to, okay? I screwed up, and I understand if you can't forgive me for that. But I'm missing something, Clarke. Without you, what am I living for?" Tears were streaming down her face.

"I don't know, Heda. What _are_ we living for?" Clarke's eyes met Lexa's, and they stared at each other until Clarke finally broke the silence. "I do love you, Lexa. It's just Bellamy, and -"

"I understand, Clarke." Lexa stared at Clarke in silence. "You and Bellamy are free to leave. I'll tell my guard to prepare for your departure. You can leave at dawn." Lexa looked down, realizing that she was about to lose the one thing she was living for. The one person she loved.

"Thank you, Lexa. Thank you for trusting me. But if you don't mind, we'll stay for a while. We need time to plan our next step."

"It's up to you, Clarke. But I want you to know that I -"

"I get it, Lexa. I understand why you betrayed me and my people, and why you broke the alliance. I would have done the same thing. But Lexa, it doesn't make it right. If this alliance is ever going to succeed, we have to work together. As one leader, and as one people." Clarke walked over to Lexa. "Don't we at least deserve peace?" Lexa was silent. She looked over to Clarke, but the blonde was busy staring out the window.

"We do, Clarke. We do." Lexa's eyes met Clarke's again, and this time Clarke held her gaze. Clarke moved towards her again, creating an even smaller gap between them. She placed her hands on Lexa's cheeks, and Lexa began to cry. "I never wanted to hurt you, Clarke. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. You have to know that."

"I do know that, Lexa." Though it pained her to say it, Clarke decided it was time. "I forgive you. Blood must not have blood. Revenge isn't the answer, Lexa. Forgiveness is." She continued to stroke the other girl's cheeks, wiping away her tears. "I do love you, Lexa. I _do_." She leaned into Lexa, planting a small kiss on her lips. It was short, but passionate. The gears turned, and the puzzle pieces fell back into place. For one moment, things felt normal again. Clarke used her tongue to tease Lexa's bottom lip. Lexa kissed her back at first, soothingly sucking on Clarke's top lip, but quickly pulled away. They stared at each other in silence, both girls in shock. Lexa spoke first, trying to clarify the situation.

"But Clarke, you and Bellamy -"

"I'll worry about Bellamy." Clarke snapped back into reality, ignoring what she had done. "You just worry about getting your people to honor this alliance."

"Alright." Lexa nodded. Somewhat thrown off by Clarke's mixed signals, she strode toward the door, and tried to put her feelings aside. She had people to lead, and recognizing the importance of that, let her mind wander to Clarke for only a second. Lexa had obviously enjoyed the kiss, but didn't know what to make of it. _What did it mean?_ she thought. _To me? To her?_ She couldn't let their clouded relationship get in the way of her duty, but either way she had to protect Clarke. "For now, _you_ can stay with me. I'm sorry Clarke, but I cannot put my trust in Bellamy yet. He must stay where he is."

"It's okay, Lexa, I understand. I'll talk to him." Clarke followed Lexa out of the room, catching up to her in the hallway.

"You can't tell him about any of what just happened." Lexa looked worried. Clarke nodded once, giving Lexa a reassuring look.

"It will all be fine, Lexa. I promise." They strode briskly down the length of the corridor, leaving all feelings behind them. Turning the corner, both girls were equally surprised at what lied - or didn't lie - in front of them. Bellamy's cell was closed, the keys safely hanging on the wall next to them, however he was nowhere to be found.

 **Chapter 5, Part 2:** _ **Bellamy**_

Sprinting down a long corridor, Bellamy didn't know what to make of his current situation. He knew where he was, who he was, and what needed to be done, yet he was still confused. He had to get out of there, and make sure he and Clarke were safe. _No_ , he thought. _Just me. If she is going to put herself first, I'll be sure to do the same._ His mind jumped back to the events he had recently witnessed - the same events that led up to him navigating through the Polis tower, down fifty-three flights of stairs:

" _Is this really necessary!?" he yelled, shaking the metal bars that held him hostage. "I have nothing against you or your people!" It didn't matter. Clarke and the commander had turned the corner long before he started yelling. She couldn't hear him._

" _Shut up, Skaikru scum. She can't hear you anyway!" Titus spit into Bellamy's cell. "Besides, she wouldn't pardon you even if she could!" He ignored the Flamekeeper, and sat back down against the wall. He craned his neck back, looking up at the ceiling. Bel groaned and banged the back of his head against the wall out of frustration, causing dust to fall from what looked like an old air duct, directly into his mouth. He coughed and choked on dust and air, Titus laughing as he left the room. Bellamy waited until he was gone, and laughed at himself, realizing he had just found his way out. He waited a little longer just to make sure the coast was clear, and started working at the ropes around his ankles. After about thirty minutes, he managed to break free from his bonds. He stood up, his head scraping the bottom of the air duct. He inched his way up the metal shaft, trying not to attract any attention. Surprisingly, no one had heard him, and once he reached the top of the duct Bellamy followed it in the general direction that he'd thought the girls had gone. After a few turns, he paused, listening carefully for Clarke's voice. Overhearing her talking to Lexa, he pressed his ear to the side of the duct. Her voice was soothing, as always. "Is this really necessary, Lexa? After the mountain, both of our peoples are safe in their own homes. Another alliance would only tip the scales and cause more chaos. Neither of us can afford…" she said. Bellamy moved closer to where he thought the source of the voice was, and came to a vent that gave him eyes directly into Lexa's chambers, where the girls were arguing. Lexa seemed to be softly crying. "I want you to love me, Clarke! I want things to be like they used to, okay? I screwed up, and I understand if you can't forgive me for that. But I'm missing something, Clarke. Without you, what am I living for?" He knew that Clarke and Lexa used to have feelings for each other, and that they were very close, but he thought they were both over it. Bellamy kept listening as Clarke began to respond to Lexa. "I don't know, Heda. What are we living for?" Then silence, before Clarke started again. "I do love you, Lexa. It's just Bellamy, and -" Bellamy couldn't believe what he was hearing and seeing, though it played out in front of him. He was watching his worst nightmare unfold before him. The girls kept talking, comforting each other, but arguing at the same time. He looked away, not being able to watch Clarke betray him. When he turned to face the vent again, Clarke was staring at Lexa. Bellamy began to leave, but was drawn back to the scene when he saw the girls' lips touch. It had been Clarke initiating the kiss, too. As he watched in awe, he tried to be mad at her, but couldn't bring himself to be frustrated; he loved her, but couldn't have her. Though he was upset, there was no denying it - Lexa and Clarke had chemistry. It was true love. Why couldn't he and Clarke have that? That spark. Bel continued to watch the scene unfold, as the two locked lips a few more times before resuming their discussion. There was no doubt about it, Clarke was in love with Lexa._

Coming to terms with reality, and focusing on the present, Bellamy didn't stop running. His mind told him to run from danger, from Polis, but his heart said otherwise; he was running from love. From Clarke. From it all. He wasn't mad, angry, or frustrated - just devastated. She had used him as a placeholder, to fill the hole that Lexa had created. It didn't matter. None of it did. He and his people came first. Turning down another hallway and another flight of stairs, he found a window and slowed down, looking out over the city. He figured he had made it halfway down. Slowing to a fast jog, he took a right into the next corridor, running straight into Clarke and Lexa.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter** **6**

"Bellamy!?" Clarke looked confused at first, but then smiled. "You're okay!" She threw her arms around his neck, but he did not do the same. He pulled away from her embrace, shaking his head. As he tried to speak, he felt his eyes grow hot and wet, and found that he couldn't bring himself to talk to her. "Bel? What's wrong, are you hurt? I don't understand."

"Good, because neither do I!" The words burst out of him, and they kept flowing. Once he started, he couldn't stop, but he kept his cool. "I loved you, Clarke. I _trusted_ you. You knew how hard that was for me, yet you betrayed that trust anyway. I thought you cared about me, about _us_. I guess not." Clarke shook her head, not understanding how he'd found out about Lexa.

"I don't get it. How did you know?"

"It doesn't matter." He paused, as if searching for something to say. "All that matters is that I'm out of here, and we're done. We could've had something, Clarke." Bel blinked, the tears disappearing. "But-. But I guess not." He wasn't even sad anymore, just angry - angry that she broke his heart, angry that he'd lost the one girl he loved, and most of all, he was angry that she betrayed his trust. Now he knew how she felt when Lexa betrayed them at the mountain, but she got over that quickly, apparently.

"Bel, I -"

"It's fine, just let it be. It's over, Clarke. I'm happy for you." Clarke knew he didn't mean it. Turning to Lexa, he contemplated whether or not he should be mad at her too, but thought again, remembering who he was talking to. "You too, Heda. I wish you both the best."

"Thank you, Bellamy kom Skaikru. My apologies. My men will escort you home."

"It's okay commander, don't bother. I'd rather be alone." Lexa nodded, turning to Clarke. Clarke, again avoiding eye contact with Lexa, looked back at Bellamy.

"May we meet again." A single tear fell down Clarke's cheek as she stared into his big, brown eyes. Bellamy simply nodded, and turned to leave. Once he was out of sight, Clarke turned to Lexa.

"I'm sorry, Clarke." Fighting back tears, she tried to be as understanding as she could. "I get it if you don't want to stay with me anymore." Clarke silently moved closer to Lexa, and began to cry. She laid her head on her heda's shoulder, tears falling from her cheeks and onto Lexa's gear. "It's okay, you're okay, you're okay," she coaxed. With her left hand, she stroked the blonde's head, and with the other, she pulled Clarke further in. They stayed cradled in each other's arms until Clarke lifted her head, looking into Lexa's eyes. The two gazed into each other, longingly at first, but longing soon turned to lust. Lexa leaned down, placing her smooth lips on Clarke's. She tongued at Clarke's bottom lip, teasing it the way Lexa knew that she liked. Clarke soothingly teased Lexa's top lip, sucking on it and gently passing her tongue over it. When they pulled apart to catch their breath, Clarke looked alarmed. She began to shut Lexa out again, just like she had before. Looking down at her, Lexa noticed her worried expression. "I'm sorry, Clarke. I truly am."

"It's not your fault, Lexa. Love is a two-way tie. I kissed you back, and I told you that I still loved you. He heard it, he left. Maybe it's for the best." Wiping her eyes, she strode to the next staircase. Clarke wasn't one to hide her feelings from Lexa, but she seemed to push them aside. She turned to the commander, changing the subject. "Let's go, Heda. We have an alliance to reinstate."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Now in the throne room, sitting with the twelve other ambassadors, Clarke had shifted gears; she'd gone from broken-hearted and sobbing teenager to a fearless, take-no-shit leader in a matter of minutes.

"Ambassadors," Lexa started, her voice echoing throughout the room, commanding attention and respect. "I have called you here tonight to discuss the official recognition of Skaikru as the newest clan." The room grew noisy within seconds, the ambassadors growing restless and upset. Arguing amongst themselves, the representatives grew louder and louder. Lexa looked at Clarke, who was sitting impatiently. Clarke looked pissed, but didn't allow herself to be shaken by the opinions of the other leaders. She seemed annoyed, and wore a bitchy resting face, which was surprising, even to Lexa. The ambassadors continued to argue with each other, and things began to turn violent. Two clan leaders to Lexa's right began to push and shove one another, shouting loudly. Lexa had to stop this before complete chaos broke out. "Enough!" she yelled. The room grew silent, every leader turning to the commander. "This is _my_ capital, this is _my_ coalition! Anyone who has a problem with that may declare a challenge against their commander!" Each ambassador took their seat, ashamed and silenced. "As for the matter at hand, we will _not_ take it lightly. Skaikru has been more than helpful in the destruction of the mountain." She glanced over to Clarke, who suddenly looked nervous. "From this moment onward, Skaikru will be considered the thirteenth clan, and as part of this coalition, they have been branded with the seal." Clarke's mind flashed to the memory of the red-hot brand that had been sealed onto Kane's forearm - the seal that marked their correspondence and cooperation as the newest addition to the coalition. She pushed the memory out of her mind, and continued to listen to Lexa. "Any clan that objects to this will deal with me personally, no clan exempt." Lexa wasn't a woman of many words, and ended her speech early. She had to tend to Clarke, and with that on her mind she couldn't focus anyway. "You are all dismissed." As the representatives filed out of the throne room rather nervously, Lexa addressed Titus. "Titus?" she started.

"Yes, Heda?"

"You may leave." Titus nodded and quickly shuffled out, leaving just the two girls to talk.

"They won't respect your acceptance of us into the coalition, Lexa. You know that." As soon as they were alone, Clarke shifted gears once more. She placed her elbow on her thigh, and smashed her cheek into the palm of her hand, causing her to mumble. "One of them is bound to challenge you, yet you are seeing this through. Why?" With her other hand, she nervously toyed with a string on the ripped part of her jeans. She wrapped it around her finger, unraveled it, and wrapped it up again. Lexa noticed her anxious behaviors and tried to calm her nerves. She couldn't tell if Clarke was nervous, pissed off, or both.

"It will be okay, Clarke." Ignoring Clarke's question, she turned to face the city, walking out onto the balcony and resting her folded hands on the edge. She knew Clarke would follow, and sure enough, Clarke rose from her chair and walked outside, lingering behind Lexa; to no surprise, Clarke kept her distance at first - physically, mentally, and emotionally. Lexa turned around, her back to the city, her front to Clarke. She tried to get Clarke's mind off of everything relating to the past few days. "Let's go for a walk, Clarke."

"Down there?" Clarke motioned towards the city. "No fucking way! We'll be killed two steps outside of this tower!"

"I have guards; we have hoods. There are places I know we will be safe." It might have been risky, but she needed to distract Clarke - she looked miserable. As she moved towards the door, she saw Clarke's expression change again; Lexa knew she was about to give in. "Come, Clarke. It will be fine." Clarke huffed a small laugh, shaking her head at Lexa. She had no idea where Heda was going with this, but she intended to play along.

"Whatever you say, commander," she mumbled, shuffling through the throne room behind Lexa. Lexa spoke in Trigedasleng to two of her guards, and they followed the girls out of the room, down the length of the building, and out the doors. Both girls lifted their hoods, covering their faces almost completely. Lexa must've seen the worried expression that Clarke wore, however, because as soon as they were more than ten feet away from the tower, she began reassuring her that everything would be fine. Her attempts at calming Clarke's nerves were useless, and once Lexa saw that she wasn't getting through to her, she quieted. Clarke was tense, and looked around constantly, mentally protecting Lexa. Eventually though, she let her guard down, and let Lexa's protectors do their job. At least with Clarke somewhat focused on their safety, she had forgotten about the day's previous events. Lexa took this as an opportunity to distract her further.

"What did your people eat before you came here, Clarke?" It was a dumb question, but she had to make small talk and keep Clarke's mind wandering. Clarke caught on right away, and with no intent to be fooled, she addressed Lexa's attempt at making her feel better.

"Lexa, cut the crap. I'm fine, okay? Trust me, I'm A-okay." She scoffed and shook her head, looking away from Lexa as they walked. Lexa looked at the people and markets to her left, trying to find something to talk to Clarke about that wasn't "work" related. Or love related. Or anything-to-do-with-that-day related. She couldn't find anything. Mentally switching subjects to her newfound surrounding, she observed the world around her, her head swiveling around almost frantically; left, right, left. She recognized where they were, holding up a hand. At this, the guards ceased, intently watching the commander, swords drawn. "Nou get yu daun." she said. In response, the guards held back, sheathing their swords, eyes still cautious. She looked at Clarke, who seemed confused. She had only learned a small amount of Trigedasleng from Niylah, and was still very shaky with the language, "I told them to stop worrying. We will be fine." She paused, watching Clarke's expressions change. "You too, Clarke. Stop fretting. Nothing here acts as a threat to us." There was something in Lexa's voice that allowed Clarke to trust her for a short minute. She nodded at Lexa, looking around at where they were. The group had stopped at the edge of a small patch of forest that interrupted the city. For the most part, it looked uninhabited. Lexa led them to a small patch of trees, and in Trigedasleng, told her guards to wait there. She took Clarke by the hand and led her through a group of woody bushes, and after pushing aside wood, forestry, and branches for what seemed like forever, they made it to a small clearing. Clarke looked around, her eyes darting left and right, seeking out danger. Lexa again had to reassure her that they were safe. "Clarke, this is an area only known to previous commanders, and now also to you. Nothing poses a threat to us here. It is okay to let your guard down. Trust me on this."

"I just want you to be safe, Lexa." Clarke left it at that, and continued to inspect her surroundings. They stood in the middle of a grass field, no larger than a thirty by thirty foot square, and it seemed to be surrounded on all sides by forestry. On the far side sat a partially broken bench, decorated with what looked like ceramic tiles. She had to admit, it was beautiful.

"I come here when I need to be away from the city. Away from my duties. As you know, that opportunity doesn't arrive often enough." Lexa carefully watched Clarke admire her surroundings. Her eyes grew wider as the sun began to set, her pupils becoming large, dark circles surrounded by an ocean-blue ring. Lexa looked down at Clarke's hand, realizing that she had not let go of it the entire time. Smiling slightly, she gently pulled Clarke toward the bench, and sat them down. She used her free hand to brush a blonde-colored curl away from Clarke's face. "Do you like it?" she asked softly.

"Like it?" Clarke inquired. "I love it, Lexa. Thank you. For sharing it with me, I mean." It may have been only for a moment, but when the girls' eyes met, it felt like an eternity - a serene, calm, and entirely beautiful eternity. Clarke leaned in, towards Lexa, towards the girl she loved. They hadn't been in a particularly comfortable kissing position, so Clarke shifted gently until they were, and pressed her lips against Lexa's. She toyed with Lexa's lips at first, teasing them slightly, until she couldn't resist any longer, Clarke dipped her tongue into her mouth, seeking out Lexa's. The two leaned in closer, until their chests were pressed together, and their arms were around each other's necks, each girl's hands entangling the other's hair. It was one of the few moments they'd had together in which all fear, anxiety, and thought left them. The only thing they had was each other, and it felt so right. When Clarke finally pulled away from Lexa to catch her breath, she spoke softly and sweetly into her ear. "I think I love you," she whispered, nibbling at Lexa's earlobe. Lexa moaned with pleasure, kissing at Clarke's pulse point.

"I think I love you too, Clarke," she said softly. The two pulled their mouths away from each other's skin, just long enough to share a tight hug, and resumed kissing until the sun had fully set. They walked from the field hand-in-hand, hair mussed, short of breath. The pair walked to where Lexa had left the guards, completely in love. Their hour of bliss came to an abrupt halt however, when the girls found one guard dead, and the other missing. A streak of blood wound off into the woods, leaving a trail where the guard's body had been dragged away.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Much to Clarke's surprise, Lexa began to fret. Usually, when faced with a problem or threat, Lexa was calm, cool, and collected; this was not one of those times. She paced back and forth, until Clarke grabbed her hand, dragging her back into the clearing. She continued to pace, mumbling to herself, while Clarke sat on the crumbled bench, her eyes following her commander. _Left, right, left, right, left…_ "Lexa!" Clarke scolded, bringing her to a halt. "Enough! What are you doing?"

"I'm fretting, Clarke, what does it look like I'm doing?" Clarke stifled a laugh, smiling.

"Really, Lexa? Really?"

"Yes, really, Clarke. How are you smiling at a time like this? Someone attacked both of our guards, leaving us vulnerable. That same source is probably out to get us too. I should have never brought you here. It's not safe. I'm sorry-"

"Lexa! Lexa, calm the hell down! Why are you so upset?" She placed her hands on her heda's shoulders, trying to calm her down. "We will get through this, Lexa. It's really not that bad. Why are you worrying so much?" She looked into Lexa's eyes, soothing her further.

"Because it is my job to protect my people, Clarke. It is my job to protect _you._ I can't do that if I'm dead." She broke their stare, looking down at her feet. "I can't lose you, Clarke. I just got you back." Clarke agreed, but was shaken, and somewhat surprised. It wasn't like Lexa to fret, or express her emotions so freely. She didn't know what had changed her, but it changed her for the better.

"Hey. Hey, look at me," Clarke coaxed, gently tilting Lexa's chin up so that she could hold her gaze. "You are doing a perfectly fine job of protecting me and your people. I'm okay, aren't I?" Lexa nodded, but started to protest.

"But Clarke-"

"I'm fine, Lexa. I'm better, actually, now that I'm with you." She smiled reassuringly. "You took care of me, but now I need you to take care of yourself, Lexa. We'll find a way out of here, a _safe_ way out of here, and we will search for and deal with the attacker once we get back to the tower, alright? It will be just fine." She pulled Lexa in, hugging her tight, making her feel safe again. They walked cautiously back to where the attack took place, both girls standing straight and alert, eyes darting across the forest. They wasted no time in fleeing the crime scene, and made it out of the woods safely. Raising their hoods again, they walked the short way through the city, risking being seen. Lexa had assured Clarke that it would be the better choice; first of all, they wouldn't be recognized easily at night, and secondly, they had to get back to the tower quickly. The pair talked sparingly, but when they did, they kept their voices to a low murmur. Once at the base of the tower, the girls brought down their hoods, Lexa calling over a guard to take them up the building safely.

* * *

Back in Lexa's chambers, the girls let their guard down again. It felt almost as secure as the grass clearing, only less private, with guards out on the balcony, and right outside her bedroom door. For some reason, Clarke felt uncomfortable.

"It's getting late," Clarke started. "I should probably go back to my room." She turned to face the door, but hesitated. Lexa saw her pause, and acted on it.

"If you feel unsafe at all, you can stay here for the night, Clarke." Truth be told, she wanted to protect Clarke, and make her feel safe, but Lexa would have jumped at any chance to fall asleep next to Clarke. "It really wouldn't be a problem." Clarke turned back around, considering it.

"Are you sure, Lexa? Won't your guards and maids be suspicious?"

"I'll handle them, Clarke. If that is all you are worried about, then please, stay. I don't care any longer if they know about -" She paused, not wanting to offend Clarke. "About _us_ ," she finished. Clarke moved closer to her, smirking.

"It sounds to me like _someone_ wants me to stay for reasons other than just my safety." By then, she was only a couple inches away from her heda, her nose brushing up against Lexa's. She whispered faintly, her warm breath tickling Lexa's skin. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were in love, Heda." Clarke smiled, taking Lexa's hands into her own, their foreheads touching. She pressed a soft kiss to Lexa's lips, but quickly pulled away, backing up towards the bed. Smirking, she patted the bed gently, inviting Lexa over.

"Really, Clarke?" Lexa crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, but couldn't resist smiling - she _was_ in love. Gently padding over to the bed, Lexa took off her outer gear, leaving just a shirt and jeans on. Clarke did the same, and laid back onto the bed. Lexa seized this opportunity, and, climbing on top of Clarke, planted a line of small kisses on her cheekbones and jawline. She moved down to her neck, and sucked soothingly at her pulse point. Moving up to kiss Clarke's lips, Lexa moved her hands gently over her girlfriend's upper thighs, occasionally brushing her fingertips over the zipper of Clarke's jeans. After about ten minutes of teasing, she started to pull at the zipper. She carefully maneuvered her fingers so that the top button was undone. As Clarke arched her back against the bed, Lexa reached around the blonde's waist, pulling at her jeans. She hooked her thumbs on two of the belt loops, and started to wiggle the jeans down towards Clarke's ankles. She had the pants almost off the blonde, when she heard stifled grunting coming from the balcony. Lexa looked longingly at Clarke, and stopped what she was doing. Not wanting to interrupt the moment too much, she assured Clarke that she'd only be gone a second, just to check it out. Grabbing her sword from the pile of armor laying on the ground, she moved towards the balcony door, eyes and ears alert. Lexa gently pushed open the door, darting her eyes left to right, searching for the source of the noise. She expected to see two guards standing at attention, however saw nothing at all.

Meanwhile, Clarke pulled her jeans back up and admired her commander's sense of dominance. She smiled faintly when she realized how quickly Lexa had gone from pleasing her in bed to protecting her at the ready, but her smile quickly faded. Clarke looked outside at Lexa, who was frantically shifting her head side to side, still searching for the source of the noise. Out of the corner of her eye, Lexa saw something move. Moving further into the shadows, sword still drawn, ready to put up a fight, she saw one of her guards lying on the ground. As she cautiously moved towards him, she heard another stifled grunt, but this time it came from outside of the bedroom door. Lexa finished checking out the dead guard, finding that a knife to his chest was the cause of his death, and quickly strode to the front of her grand bedroom, pausing slightly before opening the doors. Upon looking down the hall, she found that another two of her guards were dead, each by knife wounds. Turning around, she was yanked to the side, a small yelp escaping from her lips. Her captor placed a hand over her mouth, followed by a knife against her throat. When she tried to fight back, he warned her in Trigedasleng, "Stay quiet, or die."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Kicking against the wall opposite her feet, Lexa struggled to break free from her captor's hold, while simultaneously trying to avoid slitting her own throat - his hand was still over her mouth, and the knife was still at her throat. Vigorously shoving her way free from his grip, she slipped out of his grasp for a quick second, latching a hand onto the knife-bearing wrist. She twisted his arm around, causing the knife to fall from his hand to the floor. With her right hand, Lexa reached for the handle of her own sword, and with her left, the handle of the fallen knife. Now defenseless, her captor threw his arms around her waist, gaining control of the fight again. Lexa struggled against the weight of the man on top of her outstretched body, but continued to squirm underneath him. With her face to the ground, she couldn't try to stab him, or she might end up grazing her own body with the blade. Instead, she wriggled around enough so that she was on her side, and out of the corner of her eye, she could see where his hand met her waist. Seizing the opportunity, Lexa dove the knife into the back of his hand, causing him to groan and withdraw his hand. This allowed her to stand up, and regain control. His eyes glued to his bloody hand, her captor was now distracted. She could have easily killed him, but wanted to spare him for torture and questioning - he most likely had not been alone. Sword and knife at the ready, she stepped toward the hunched body.

Hearing Lexa move closer, he looked up at her, ashamed and outplayed. Turning the tables, Lexa moved even closer, and brought the tip of her sword to his face, letting the end pierce the underside of his chin slightly. In control, and very pissed off, she screamed at him. "How dare anyone-!" She was interrupted by a very confused Clarke, who had apparently been standing in the doorway.

"Bellamy!? What the fuck, Bel?"

"Clarke I-"

"Don't even start, Bel! There better be a goddamned good excuse for this one, or _I'll_ be the one holding that sword to your throat!" Lexa looked frantically between the two, keeping the blade at his chin.

"Clarke, he tried to _kill_ me. You know that if we don't kill him, they will." she motioned with the knife towards the rest of the building.

"I know, Lexa. I know." Clarke rested her head in her hand for a second, and looked back up at Lexa. "Just at least let me talk to him. Please?" Lexa nodded, but kept the knife where it was. Clarke moved towards Bellamy, shaking her head. "Are you seriously risking your life to get revenge on the one you thought you loved? Seriously?" She chuckled. "Bel, I knew you were low, but I would have never thought that you would drop to _this_ level."

"Clarke this has nothing to do with any of that. Somewhere in that thick head, you know it's true. I didn't come here to get revenge, or even to try and kill her. I was just trying to quietly take her hostage. Don't exaggerate, _princess_." Clarke winced and gritted her teeth.

" _Don't_ call me that." Watching Clarke's reaction, Lexa pushed the knife further into Bellamy's skin, drawing more blood.

"Lexa, please. I can explain." Bellamy's eyes flashed to Clarke. "Make her listen to me," he pleaded.

"Do you even deserve that much?" Clarke scoffed, but turned to Lexa anyway. "Lexa, please, don't kill him. I know why you are upset, but I need him alive." She paused, afraid to continue and admit to weakness. "But I need his help. I can't save us on my own."

Lexa contemplated ending it all before Clarke could even finish, but realized how much he meant to Clarke and her people. _Jus drein jus daun,_ Lexa thought. _No. Blood must not have blood._ Clarke had taught her well. She retracted the sword, however kept it at the ready - he couldn't be trusted. "Fine," Lexa agreed. "But he will be kept here somewhere in Polis, locked up." She paused, but clarified further, "Somewhere that he can't _escape_." Lexa turned to Clarke. "Fair?" she inquired.

"Fair." Clarke nodded.

"Wait, wait, wait. I'm standing _right_ here guys. Don't I have a say in -"

"Shut the _fuck_ up." Clarke's voice was almost at a whisper, but it was strong, and it carried. She didn't have to look at him to know that he was ashamed. He knew his place, she just had to put him back in it. Lexa looked to Clarke, surprised at how upset she was.

"Then it's settled. But Clarke, this is only temporary. You know that if the rest of the council finds out about this, they'll have his head. I can't guarantee that there won't be -"

"They won't find out. We'll tell the rest of them that he was caught after escaping last time. They'll believe it." She moved closer to where Lexa and Bellamy were, taking the knife and sword from Lexa, and placed them back on top of the armoire, along with her own. Lexa felt unsafe without a weapon at hand, but the gentle way in which Clarke had taken the blades from her hands had let her know that it was safe to trust her this time. She looked back to Bellamy, then to Clarke, both of whom were staring intently into each other's eyes, as if to say 'How could you?'. Lexa saw this and moved back towards the bedroom.

"I'll give you two a moment." she said. Clarke nodded, averting her eyes from Bellamy's to meet with Lexa's. Seeing the worried look on Lexa's face, Clarke immediately began to comfort her.

"It will be okay. I'll be right there," she assured her. Lexa nodded slightly, and quietly walked back into her chambers, shutting the door behind her.

"Aren't you going to apologize?" Clarke started, crossing her arms.

"Apologize? How many normal people do you know that apologize after being cheated on?"

"Don't start with me asshole! That's _not_ what this is about, Bellamy, and you know it! Who put you up to this?" She had a feeling that she already knew the answer.

"You know perfectly well who did. And it would have worked too." At this, Clarke laughed.

"Pathetic. Sent by Pike to kill the head of the grounder nation, and you fail. Tackled by a _girl_."

"Stop avoiding the problem, Clarke! She sent an army of three hundred men to march on our camp, to 'protect' the alliance? Bullshit!" His negative emphasis on the word "protect" upset Clarke even further.

"I'm _not_ avoiding the problem! You _are_ the problem! All of you! Lexa is trying to save our asses from the rest of the council, and none of you get it!? If it were up to any of her successors, or any of the other ambassadors, we would not be here. How can Pike not see that!?"

"You're right, Clarke. We wouldn't be here, arguing over this. We'd be back in Arcadia, on our own, away from all of _this_." He motioned toward the rest of the building and city.

"That is a lie that all of you choose to believe. You know perfectly well what I meant, Bellamy. We'd all be dead!"

"Maybe we would be, Clarke." He looked into her eyes, lowering his voice. "But at least I'd die knowing that the woman I love loved me back." A single tear welled in his eye, but he blinked it away. "But instead, I'm here, you're there, and they're all surrounded by her grounder army, so way to go, Clarke." She scoffed and shook her head, opening her mouth to argue, but he was already walking away.

He knocked on Lexa's door, and put his hands up, surrendering. Lexa opened the door, and upon seeing Bellamy, nodded her head. She worryingly looked past him, and her eyes met with Clarke's for a split second before Clarke averted her eyes, holding back tears. In her head, Clarke ran to Lexa, hugged her, cried in her arms. On the inside, Lexa held her, kissed her, and comforted her until she felt better. But on the outside, Clarke blinked twice to clear her watering eyes, held her head high, and walked past the two people she loved, remembering what Lexa had told her so many times before: _Love is weakness, Clarke. Love is weakness._


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Lexa's words tumbled in Clarke's mind, turning in her head over and over. They repeated themselves, following her down the hall. _Love is weakness, Clarke. Love is weakness._ She couldn't rid herself of them. Now, more than ever, they seemed to be engraved in her mind - they wouldn't let her be. _This must be love._ Clarke cursed at herself for letting Lexa be right. Lexa had spent so long hiding from her own feelings, and as soon as she let herself love Clarke, Clarke messed it up - like always. Tears continued to well in Clarke's eyes, but she blinked them away. Taking a right at the end of the corridor, she realized that she had no idea where she was even headed. But she didn't care. Clarke let her subconscious mind lead the way, as the thoughts that occupied her mind were distracting her from paying attention to her surroundings. She turned one last corner, and to her surprise ended up outside of her own room. Stepping inside, the doors slammed against the wall as she opened them, and again as they clicked closed behind her. The noise bellowed through the wooden doors and plastered walls, echoing and lingering for longer than it should have. _This must be love._

* * *

On the opposite side of the tower, Lexa had ordered a guard to take care of Bellamy, and had made sure that he was in no position to escape again. Sitting on the edge of her bed, Lexa's mind wandered. She thought of Clarke first, which was no surprise - even in the heat of battle, Clarke was always on her mind. But with the daydreams of Clarke came the nightmares of love. Every time that the blonde crossed her mind, Lexa subconsciously reminisced about Costia. Even good memories could bring sadness, anger, longing and regret. _This must be love_. Lexa pondered the thought of love, the mere existence of it. For her, love fell from the sky, literally, and ever since she'd found it, Lexa had felt human again - almost normal. When she was with Clarke she was an awkward, horny mess, not the fearless _Heda_ she was expected to be. _This must be love_. The words ran circles in her mind. If this was love, then what was Costia? A faded memory? Costia had brought her joy, happiness, even bliss, but she had never longed for her like she longed for Clarke. She yearned for Clarke's touch, to look into her eyes, to simply be in the same room with her was enough to set her heart ablaze. The thought of being with Clarke sparked enough inspiration in Lexa for her to walk to the door, ready to find Clarke and apologize for everything that she had put her through. Upon opening the door, however, she turned around. Clarke needed her space, although that was all she seemed to need lately. Lexa slowly made her way back to the bed and sat down, realizing just how bad she had fucked up. One minute, Clarke was fine with leaving Bel and giving herself completely to Lexa, but the next she wanted nothing to do with either of them. As Lexa continued to process what exactly had occurred earlier that night, tears began to fall from her forest-green eyes. _This must be love._

* * *

" _Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Lao Tzu._ Reading the scratchy handwriting on the wall, Clarke scoffed. "If only that were true," she said to herself. She walked over to her bed, and slumped back down upon the deerskin covers, resting her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. Blowing a stray strand of hair away from her face, she could clearly see the drawing of Lexa that she had hung on the wall that she faced. She remembered drawing it as if she had created it only the day before - Lexa had been laying on the couch across from Clarke, peacefully at rest. Clarke had been trying to draw out battle plans, but had gotten distracted with watching the other girl sleep. Before she knew it, her hand had moved to the paper and begun to draw her _Heda_. It had felt natural. Loving her felt natural. _But that was before_ , she thought, remembering the day's events. Peeling her eyes away from the drawing, she focused on the city that panned out to her left. Darkness covered it like a blanket, protecting its people, hiding its secrets. She again found her mind drifting to Lexa as she remembered the first night she had spent in Polis - they had been out on Lexa's balcony, watching over the city. Clarke recited Lexa's words from that night without any hesitation or mistakes: _It is often in the darkness that we see the brightest stars, Clarke._ Lexa always seemed to know what to say. But Clarke had let her go. She had pried her away. Though so close, Lexa felt so, so far. She missed her, every part of her. Clarke had been slowing distancing herself from her _Heda_ , though she didn't know why. It was an action of her subconscious mind, something that she couldn't control. She'd started thinking with her head, and not her heart. As she continued to ponder how she had ended up as this person, this barely recognizable excuse for a human being, she felt a deeper longing for an answer to her only question. The words tumbled in her mind before forming a complete, logical inquiry. _What have I become?_

* * *

Clarke ran. She ran as fast as she could. But it wasn't fast enough. She stumbled on a fallen tree branch, snapping her ankle. She screamed for help, but no one could hear her from the middle of the forest. Almost as quickly as she had fallen, the creature was upon her. She brandished a knife in front of her, swatting away the beast, however to no avail. The monster roared deeply, more of a scream than a growl, and slammed its head against her hand, freeing the knife from her grip. Now defenseless, Clarke continued to scream. She screamed, she yelled, she prayed to whoever was listening. What seemed like an eternity was actually a couple of seconds, and in those seconds the mutant ape had advanced on the girl. It began to tear at her flesh, claws scraping at her bloodied jeans. The creature ceased scratching only to draw its left hand back, slamming it back down onto Clarke's skull. Now unconscious, she was silenced. The monster brought its sharpened nail to her throat, and began to apply slight pressure directly under her chin. As it pierced the skin, a small trickle of blood ran down the length of Clarke's neck, falling onto her torn shirt. The beast seemed to intentionally prolong her death, mocking her, celebrating its victory. Suddenly, the girl was awake. She screamed one last time, but this time it was an audible word. A name. "Lexa!" she screamed. "Lexa. I -"

Lexa was jolted awake. "Lexa!" a voice said, somewhat harshly. "Lex, wake up. It was just a dream. I heard you screaming, and came as fast as I could. It's okay. I'm right here." Lexa looked up, her eyes meeting those of her savior.

"Clarke? But-"

"Shh, shh. It's all okay, I'm here." Clarke sat on the edge of the bed and brought Lexa's head to her collarbone, stroking her hair. "It was only a dream. Just a nightmare," she coaxed. As she looked down at the brunette, she realized that she was crying. Though it was faint, she could feel her sobbing. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. Lexa shook her head, and the two sat in silence for a few minutes. However, breaking the silence, Lexa gave in and started to explain.

"It was Pauna. She had you pinned. You completely defenseless, not even conscious." She paused, but continued shortly after, her voice shaking. "I thought that I'd lost you, Clarke."

"It was only a dream, Lexa. I'm okay, it will-"

"I meant earlier today, Clarke. That dream meant something, it was trying to tell me something. I didn't mean that I'd lost you to Pauna. I thought I'd lost your love. You've been so distant lately. Why?" she pulled away, agitated. Brows furrowed, she looked away from the other girl. "The ways of your people are so strange, your emotions, so hard to grasp." Clarke stared at her in silence for a few minutes, but began to defend herself.

"I'm sorry, Lexa, but the truth is that I don't know why. I want to be with you, but something is telling me that it's too dangerous." she paused. "I don't understand it either, Lexa." Lexa simply nodded. The two stared in silence for a few seconds, Lexa breaking the gaze by getting up and walking to the balcony. She gave a slight glance back to Clarke, silently asking her to follow. Clarke took the hint and walked outside, looking out at the city.

"It never gets old, Clarke." Assuming she was talking about the view, Clarke agreed.

"You're right." Clarke said, and turned to Lexa, sighing as she looked into her forest-green eyes. "Its beauty never dies." Lexa blushed, taking the subtle compliment, and decided to return the favor.

"I didn't mean the city, Clarke. I meant the feeling that I get when I look into your eyes. I am talking about the pit that forms in my stomach whenever you leave my side. I meant _love_ , Clarke. _Our_ love." Not caring who saw, not caring what Clarke had to say, not caring about anything, Lexa leaned into Clarke, placing her hand under the blonde locks at the nape of her neck. She pulled Clarke closer, and their lips met in a passionate kiss. Lexa moved her left hand up to meet her right, and ran her fingers through Clarke's hair. Clarke moved her hands to Lexa's waist, toying with the hem of her shirt. She sucked on Lexa's bottom lip, lightly gripping it between her teeth. At that, Lexa shuddered visibly, loving every minute of it. Clarke's persistent hands found their way up Lexa's shirt, and cold fingers stroked the brunette's abs, caressing her stomach, sending shivers up her spine. The feeling never got old. Skin to skin, lips on lips, chest to chest, heart to heart, soul to soul. It never would get tiring, or lose its passion. Both girls wanted to harness the feeling, and hold onto it forever. Their minds wandered while they kissed under the moonlight, each occupying the other's thoughts, the same idea filling each girl's mind. _This must be love_.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

As the door to the balcony opened, the girls' lips parted, and Lexa stepped out of Clarke's embrace, her hands folded, eyes darting to the figure standing in the doorway. Clarke wiped her mouth with her sleeve and turned to face the city, smoothing the wrinkles in her clothes and fixing her hair - a vague attempt at erasing any evidence of their mini-makeout session. Thankfully, whoever had interrupted was clueless as to what the two had been doing.

"I apologize for...interrupting, Heda," the voice said. As the form moved into the light, Lexa could make out a familiar face.

"Titus," she acknowledged, nodding. "What brings you here at this hour?"

"You are needed in the throne room, Heda," he said, pausing. Looking to where Clarke stood, he wore a worried expression. "Her too," he nodded towards the blonde. "It's Azgeda." Lexa's expression quickly changed, her brows furrowed and her eyes alert. She nodded towards Titus, dismissing him. Turning around towards Clarke, she opened her mouth to speak, but silenced herself, and took to staring out at the city instead. After switching between staring at Clarke and the city she finally came to her senses.

"Clarke, I'm sorry, I -"

"Go, Lexa. Your people need you." Clarke interrupted, turning to face the other girl.

"You are my people," she responded, somewhat harshly. Clarke simply nodded. "We should go," Lexa finished. Not waiting for a response, Lexa turned and waltzed inside, her dress flowing behind her. Clarke rolled her eyes, crossed her arms, and followed, wishing that she could spend more than five minutes at a time with the commander.

* * *

Walking swiftly down the hall, Lexa realized that she was leaving Clarke in the dust, so she slowed her pace and allowed the other girl to catch up - whatever problemsAzgeda was causing this time could wait a couple of seconds. As Clarke's stride synchronized with Lexa's, Lexa looked down into her crystal blue eyes, getting lost in a sea of love - Clarke always had that effect on her. Their stare didn't break as they continued down the hall, and by the time they reached the outside of the throne room, Lexa looked down and realized that their fingers were interlocked. She gazed back into Clarke'seyes,and for the first time in over a week, the commander allowed herself to smile. Clarke smiled back at her, giving her a high that she might never come down from. It was love, and it was theirs.

* * *

"With all due respect, Heda, I don't think it is the best decision to -"

"Enough, Titus! It is done," Lexa said, standing and folding her hands neatly. "Azgeda has chosen their fate. They brought this upon themselves, and we will fulfill their wishes. There isn't any rule against leaving the coalition," she spoke surely, though she still struggled with the choice as she spoke the words. "I've made my final decision," she finished. Titus seemed to understand, and he walked to the front of the room, opened the doors, and let the rest of the ambassadors in. As each of the thirteen representatives took their seats, Lexa looked toward Clarke, who had sat down first. She smiled faintly, but didn't want to make it too obvious that she cared for Clarke - that was an entire issue on its own. Clarke smiled back, but her smile disappeared as Nia rose from her seat and began to speak.

"Heda, if I may, I'd like to begin this meeting by acknowledging Azgeda's utmost respect for you," she started. Clarke scoffed, but the noise must have been louder than she wanted it to be, because she instantly felt twelve pairs of eyes stare her down. She lowered her head, but smirked - she, along with everyone else in the room, knew that Nia was talking out of her ass. Nia didn't give a shit about what Lexa thought of her - she was a power-hungry and cold-hearted bitch who wanted nothing but full reign over the clans. She would do anything to take Lexa's position as Heda, kissing the commander's ass included. Clarke looked up to Lexa, trying to read her expression. Clarke noticed that she looked annoyed, and fed up with Nia's bullshit. Nia saw this as well, but continued anyway. "Our respect for you will hold through, no matter which decision you make, whether it be to let us go or to keep us here. Heda, I personally even -"

"Shof up, Nia kom Azgeda," Lexa calmly interjected. Turning to address the rest of Azgeda, however, she spoke harshly. "Yu gonplei ste odon, Azgeda. You are no longer a part of the coalition. I am sure that you will be satisfied with my decision." Facing the rest of the clans and leaders, she spoke fearlessly. "Any clan who objects may speak now," she stated, her voice echoing through the room and the surrounding hallway. Clarke jumped at Lexa's sudden assertiveness, and turned to look at her. Lexa's seemed to be staring off into the distance, her gaze directed at a random spot on the wooden doors opposite her. To Clarke, Lexa looked worried, stressed, nervous even - Clarke knew her, and could read her well. However, to everyone else, Lexa looked undisturbed, brave, and fearless - she was a great actress. Lexa waited for an objective response from any of the thirteen leaders, and upon their silence, dismissed them all with a simple wave of her hand, and a short statement. "Very well then. Azgeda is officially dismissed from the coalition, from my reign, and from any association with any of the remaining twelve clans. Political interaction with Azgeda is now considered a crime punishable by death. Any silent objectors to these new laws may speak now or forever hold their peace." Again quiet, the crowd filed out of the room, however both Nia and Clarke lingered behind.

"Thank you, Commander," Nia started. "I just wanted to say that, on behalf of Azgeda, we are eternally grateful. We look to you as -"

"Just leave, kiss ass." It had been Clarke who interrupted this time. Lexa bowed her head, suppressing a chuckle. Nia just stared in shock, her jaw to the floor.

"Heda, I can assure you that -"

"Enough, Nia." Lexa said as she collected herself. "You may leave now," Nia simply nodded, humiliated, and rushed out of the room. As soon as she was a safe distance away, Clarke turned to Lexa, smiling.

"Well that was easy," Clarke started, walking toward Lexa. Lexa beamed back at her. She had to admit, it felt good to smile. Taking Clarke's hands into her own, she placed a gentle kiss on the top of the blonde's head, and pressed her forehead to Clarke's.

"Thanks," she whispered.

"Anytime, Heda." Clarke stared into Lexa, her eyes locking on Lexa's. Slowly, she raised her lips to meet Lexa's, pulling her commander into a passionate kiss. She played with Lexa's lip, running her tongue along the length of it, the way Lexa liked it. The brunette did the same thing in response, sending shivers down Clarke's spine. Clarke ran her hands up and down Lexa's toned arms and back, pulling her in closer. In response, Lexa shoved forward a little more, pressing into Clarke's chest. She raked her fingers through the blonde's long locks, tilting her head slightly for easier access to her lips. When the two finally parted to catch their breath, Lexa rested her forehead on Clarke's again, gazing into her sea blue eyes. Standing there, in silence, with the only girl who had managed to let her feel again, Lexa felt as if nothing could go wrong. Every piece was in place, every gear turned right - it was all perfect.

"Hey, Lexa," Clarke said softly, breaking the silence. "Can I tell you something?"

"Anything, Clarke. Anything." Lexa was about to say more, to comfort the girl further, but she was interrupted by a soft peck on the lips.

"Commander," Clarke said as she pulled away from her lips. "I think I love you." Lexa opened her mouth to speak, but the voice she heard was not her own.

"Heda!?" The deep, raspy voice came from the doorway. The girls turned, matching the voice with a familiar figure - Titus.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

For a brief second, Titus had thought that he was imagining the scene that was unfolding in front of him - but he knew better. Snapping back into reality, he marched forward toward the girls. "Heda," he began. "What is this? I, I thought that you -"

"Titus, what do you need?" Lexa said through gritted teeth. Clarke stayed shamefully silent, simply staring at Lexa.

"I need to speak with you, Heda," Titus retorted. After pausing for a second he realized he needed to clarify. "Privately!" he added, turning around to leave. Lexa nodded and followed him to her private chambers, but not before nodding at Clarke, reassuring her that everything would be fine. Clarke took the hint and stayed behind.

* * *

Practically marching into her chambers, Lexa slammed the door behind her, the sound echoing through the hallway. She was angry, but she had no one to blame but herself. She stood in front of the closed doors, arms crossed, lips curved into a half-snarl. She glared at Titus, opening her mouth to speak. However, before she could begin, he interrupted.

"Heda!" he scolded. "What the hell is this!?" Playing games, and pouting like a child, Lexa avoided the obvious answer.

"What is what, Titus?"

"Do not play games with me, Heda! Answer the question!" She stepped forward upon hearing his words, giving him an eyebrow. The simple gesture let him know that he was out of place - he recognized it immediately and tried to correct his mistake. Bowing, he spoke again, but softer. "I'm sorry, Heda. I didn't mean you any offense, it's only -"

"Yes, you did," she replied calmly, uncrossing her arms. Folding her hands gently behind her back. "Titus, you are my most trusted advisor. However, you have crossed the line. There are boundaries that come with your job, so do your job."

"Yes, but Heda, that girl! She is not to be trusted and your feelings for her have -"

"Enough, Titus! I am more than capable of separating feelings from duty!" she was screaming now, past her breaking point. "I love her, Titus! Is that so horrible? To feel? I used to think that feelings make us weak, but it's the ones we love who strengthen us the most," she paused looking down at her feet, running her hands in her hair and behind her neck. "Clarke taught me that." Titus was struck speechless. There was nothing he could do but let her be. She was right, he had to do his job - simply stand back and watch.

"No, it's not horrible, Heda. I crossed the line. I'm sorry. But, if that girl gets in the way of your duty, she is gone. Understood?" Lexa nodded her head, staring off into the distance.

* * *

From outside of Lexa's chambers, Clarke could hear everything. She had snuck out of the throne room and followed them - if Titus was going to blame Lexa for this, Clarke could at least back her up if necessary. Despite their predicament, Clarke was smiling, Lexa's speech to Titus was running circles inside her mind: "I love her, Titus. Is that so horrible? To feel? I used to think that feelings make us weak, but it's the ones we love who strengthen us the most. Clarke taught me that." Clarke played Lexa's words on repeat in her mind. Smiling like an idiot, she leaned back against the wall across from Lexa's bedroom, sighing and bringing her hands to her heart. Like a teenager in love, nothing else mattered - she felt whole. However, maybe less time in la la land would have benefitted her, because as she closed her eyes, she heard the doors opening.

"Clarke," Titus said as he walked by, nodding as if her eavesdropping were normal. She nodded in response, puzzled. Lifting from her spot on the wall, and finding her way back to reality, she walked into Lexa's room. Upon not seeing Lexa right away, her eyes drifted to the balcony, where she could make out the brunette leaning against the railing, hands folded, eyes out to the city. Clarke took a step forward, but stopped, pondering whether she should comfort Lexa or give her some space. Clarke thought that she needed a second, and since Lexa hadn't seen her come in, she quietly headed for the door.

"It's okay, Clarke. Stay," Lexa said, without turning around. "Please." Clarke quickly padded over to where Lexa stood, finding her hand and grabbing it with her left, stroking her back with the right. She looked over at Lexa, whose gaze was focused out onto the city. She noticed her teary eyed stare, and let go of her hand, placing it under Lexa's chin. Clarke turned the other girl's head so that their eyes met - green into blue, blue into green.

"Hey," Clarke coaxed. "It's gonna be okay." She stroked Lexa's cheeks, tears falling onto her thumbs. Lexa bit her lip, and shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Clarke. I'm sorry. I should never have let him -"

"Lexa, Lexa! It's okay. It is not your fault. Not at all," Clarke looked away from Lexa's eyes, more nervous than she'd ever been. However, feeling somewhat brave, and somewhat stupid, she continued what she was saying, looking back into Lexa's eyes. "I uh, I heard what you said to Titus. I just hope you know that the feeling is mutual," she paused again, looking down. "Not that I didn't already make that stupidly clear."

"Clarke, I'm sorry you had to hear it that way. I wanted to tell you, but Titus and the situation and -" Clarke interrupted her with a kiss, a passionate, much-needed kiss. Words could not describe the tension between the two - the love, the connection, the feelings. In that moment, time froze. Everything was perfect. Clarke pulled Lexa into her arms, never breaking the kiss. She didn't know what it was, what kind of feeling she had, but she had a sudden urge to make Lexa feel again. Clarke took Lexa's outermost garment off, all thewhile continuing to kiss her. She sucked on both of her lips, while simultaneously stroking her bare shoulders and upper back. Chills rushed through Lexa upon the new contact, and she pushed further into Clarke, pulling them both closer to the inside of the building. They moved as one, closer to the bed, never ceasing their mix of kissing, teasing, and playful biting. They smiled and giggled into each other's mouths, and Clarke pushed Lexa onto the bed. Surprised, however also turned on, Lexa smiled and laughed at Clarke's sudden dominance. Clarke chuckled in response.

"I think I love you, Lexa,"

"I know I love you, Clarke," Lexa smiled, looking up into Clarke's eyes, and grabbed her hands. Clarke leaned in for a kiss, pushing them both back onto the bed.


End file.
